


Touch

by flurblewig



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-24
Updated: 2010-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-06 15:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flurblewig/pseuds/flurblewig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Maybe it might suit her, being the bad girl for a while. It does some people. People like Faith, for instance. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Touch

She's tired of being on the outside all the time. Tired of being the afterthought, the odd one out, the inconvenience. Just once, she'd like to be on the inside looking out. Is that so much to ask?

She knows that Buffy loves her - she's not stupid, and you can't deny that someone cares about you when they freaking _died_ for you - but even though she feels bad about it, that's just not enough. Buffy loves her, yes - but somehow Dawn's never quite able to stay at the front of Buffy's mind for long. Never quite takes centre stage - not for Buffy, not for anyone.

Is it so wrong to want that? To wish someone would look at her the way they all look at Buffy? Is it bad? If it is - well, then maybe she'll just have to get used to being bad.

Maybe it might suit her, being the bad girl for a while. It does some people. People like Faith, for instance. Intense, passionate Faith. So alive, so real. Is it so wrong to want to taste that? Like Buffy, Faith stays in people's minds. They don't forget her, they don't ever look at her without seeing her. The little wannabes - and yes, she knows that's condescending considering that some of them are older than she is but she doesn't care - watch Faith with a kind of fascinated awe. Faith is real to them, more so even than Buffy, and that in itself is so new and exciting.

Spike watches Faith too, and she watches him back. There's something that hovers in the air between them and Dawn thinks that she recognises it as a species of _what if, nearly, could've been._ She knows that particular animal well; enough to know that no matter what happens Spike will never, ever, look at her that way.

Faith, though. She thinks that just maybe, Faith might be able to. Faith isn't afraid, like Spike. Faith isn't afraid of her - afraid of hurting her, and what that would do to Buffy. There's always been Buffy and for Spike there always will be, but maybe Faith can get can beyond that. Maybe she already has.

And Spike sees something too, maybe that other species of something that flies out of Dawn whenever Faith's in the room, and makes the air between them vibrate. She thinks this animal is called desire or longing or maybe hope, and it sank its poisonous fangs into Spike a long while ago. So he watches Dawn and she watches him and neither says anything to the other because really, what is there to say? Give it up, let it go, move on? Yeah, because of course that's so going to happen.

She doesn't want to let it go for the same reason he doesn't; because it hurts in that sweet, aching way that reminds you you're still _there._

Dawn's stomach turns over whenever she sees Faith, filling up the usual emptiness with that oddly pleasant queasiness of anticipation. She remembers that it always did that, and even though in her head she knows that she never actually met Faith before, it doesn't matter. Her body tells her it remembers, and she believes it. She feels the blood rushing under her skin as the heat blooms in her face and between her legs, and it feels familiar. It feels right.

Maybe Faith could teach her what it feels like to be chosen.

She finds herself looking at Xander a lot, because she doesn't quite dare to look at Faith herself. Call it women's intuition, Slayer sense, street smarts, gifts of the fairies, whatever - but she's sure Faith will know. She'll take one look at Dawn and she'll _know._ And Dawn's not ready for that. Not quite, not yet.

So she looks at Xander instead, and she wonders. He touched Faith, once; hands, lips, tongues. He tasted her. She wonders what it was like, and whether he still thinks about it now. She wonders if he looks at Faith and remembers. She wonders if he still wants her.

She looks at Xander's body, at the curve and flex of muscle under clothing, and imagines Faith's hands exploring it. Imagines Faith's skin sliding over his, her heat burning him.

She finds herself making excuses to touch him - just small, barely noticeable brushes or light sisterly pats - because it's the closest she can get to touching Faith. She wants to ask Faith if she'll teach her to fight, but she doesn't dare.

Not yet.

So she touches Xander, and she thinks _she fucked you_, and she hugs that to herself like the dirty secret joy that it is.

She goes looking for Willow, with no intention of actually talking to her - they don't, anymore - but maybe with a vague idea of absorbing the relevant sexual energy by some kind of osmosis. She finds Kennedy instead, who sees nothing but responds to her casual remark with a wholehearted and unselfconscious endorsement of Faith's general hotness and definite bisexuality. It amuses Dawn enough that she decides Kennedy might even be human after all. She wonders if Faith thinks Kennedy is hot, and squeezes her shoulder as she leaves the room, just in case.

She'd like to touch Principal Wood - and no, she'll never be comfortable with 'Robin' - because she _knows_ Faith thinks he's hot, but there's something about him that gives her the creeps and she can't quite manage to force an opportunity. She likes him better in her fantasies, where he's submissive and meek and jumps to obey Faith's every command.

She wonders about the others, too; the Mayor, Angel, Wesley. This girl Fred that Willow was so effusive about. Faith's Watcher, the woman who was killed. The people in the prison in LA. Where did she touch them, where did they touch her? Was it all surface, just clothing or skin, or did it go deeper? Flesh, or feelings? She wishes she could find all these people, and talk to them, and touch them, until she knew. For good or bad, they have something she desperately wants; a history, a connection, with Faith. She wants it, needs it - and she'll have it. Not yet, maybe - she knows that if she tries to push it she's just going to get some variation of _you're too young_, and she couldn't bear to hear that from Faith's lips - but soon. It'll happen. She'll _make_ it happen.

-end-


End file.
